Dating someone you don’t know, is pretty much taking a 50/50 gamble. Could be a nice, respectful human being, with love and respect like you’ve never seen, or from my experience, is an angry (but hides it until you’ve got your goddamn feelings involved), narcissistic, crazy person who feeds off your niceness. It’s disheartening, and I will have a hard time letting anyone else in now.
The gamble I ended up with, was that this guy could say all the right things, until he said nothing worth listening to.
Lucky for me I learned from the last guy that I thought ruined my heart, that you teach people how to treat you. This guy, had no respect for women and would openly admit it, (Should have screamed run, right there). He would yell at me for small things, like the day we broke up, he got mad at me for writing him, while I am laying home injured with a possible broken ankle, to see if I could expect him to be home to help me. I just wanted to eat. He blew up, like I put a leash on him and tied him up in the back yard. It was completely ridiculous. And that’s where I ended it. “Pack your shit, because I am a Queen and don’t deserve this!”
I deserve to be respected. I deserve to have a man that doesn’t get mad at me when I am asking where he is or when he plans to come home. I deserve a man that communicates with me, and doesn’t hold onto petty things, until he blows up at me. I deserve a man who is good to his word, when he says he has my back on rent, he doesn’t fuck off the day before it’s due.
I am now done looking for that man I desire. I feel that because I am looking for him, I see him in all males that I find the least bit attractive, that I have love goggles on, and it gives me an unfair outlook. All it took was for one guy to tick a few things off the list I have created, on the qualities and things my partner in life will possess, and I practically moved him in without hesitation. When, what I should have done was waited until he checked off , in comparison to my list. Again, I learned another lesson and that is pretty much the purpose in my life. To be better than who I was yesterday.
I will be uploading my giant list of things that I wrote down. The things that I want in a man. It is now non-negotiable. I will not settle down with anyone until everything on that list is a part of who he is, before he meets me, I don’t want to make someone do anything. I just happen to know that with the billions of people on the planet, I will find one that matches what I am looking for, and I now know it is worth waiting for.