I can let go now

When you meet someone, someone who’s mind works like yours, someone who compliments your brain, and you feel so complete with them, that you never thought of it not working out. 

It was the opposite with the man I fell in love with. We knew it wouldn’t work out from the beginning. He already lived his life, raised his kids, and was looking foward to travelling. While I had 2 small kids, a restaurant and a life to begin. 

It didn’t make it any easier. We fell in love from the start. Spending every moment together. I still love him. But now I understand that you can love someone who you can not be with. I literally love everything about him. Finding someone like him seems impossible, but I know it isn’t because I thought the kind of love we had, was impossible.

 It has taken me 4 months to reach a point where I don’t think of him every second of everyday. I started to let myself get swept up in it again but I took a few days to really think about it and realize that it isn’t worth it. Wasn’t worth the heart break I was to endure again and again.

Sometimes when you think you want something that’s bad for you, it is so hard to resist. The feelings of love I have craved my entire life, and it isn’t good for me. Doesn’t seem fair but there are lessons to learn behind every set back and if you are aware of that, it helps you grow as a person. 

I have been single for 4 months but I find myself looking for that man. The one who stares into my eyes at the grocery store and sparks fly. But I also realize I can’t do that. I have asked 3 guys out on dates in the last 2 months, putting myself out there, being brave and just asking these guys out because I thought there was something spark like there. I haven’t gone on a single date. Not one of them wrote or called me. It makes it frustrating but I think the most important lesson is being learned. I am okay with being alone but that’s not what I want for my life. I want someone to share my life with. I want a family for my kids to look forward to coming home too. I can’t have that with the man I love right now. And I am finally happy to move on and wait for the spark. Wait for the love I can’t get enough of. Wait for the one who wants me. Only time will tell, but I am happy I can let go now.  

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